I was stood at the bar at my friend’s brother’s wedding tying myself a drink when some guy I’d known for roughly four minutes leaned across and said, entirely unprompted, “you know most men buy those in the wrong size, don’t you.” The irony of him saying this to me with my self tie bow tie semi undone at my throat was not lost on me, especially when I considered I’d been wrestling with it half off in the car on the way over for about twenty minutes already. Nobody had asked him about bow ties. I hadn’t asked him about bow ties. My initial reaction was the whole defensive spiral thing where internally you’re shouting mate I’ve been wearing bow ties longer than you’ve been alive but alas he was right, and by the time he’d finished his drink and wandered off, I’d basically agreed with him right there standing next to the bar with a half Windsor and stub of bow tie sticking out of my top button poking me in the collarbone. Most people treat a bow tie like novelty item you half grab off a rack without measuring, and approach the sizing exactly the same way; a complete afterthought when, actually, there’s two things you should consider that decide whether your bow tie looks like it’s trying to murder you or like you bought it new because it suits you.
Your actual neck size, rather than guessing
Let’s address the bit nobody wants to think about first which is actually getting a tape measure and measuring your neck. Properly.
At the point your shirt collar naturally sits against, not slung loosely around your neck as if you’re checking for a swollen lymph node.
Add half an inch to an inch on top of your actual measurement for breathing room and that, friend, is your size. I’ll wager you money that number is different to the shirt collar size you’ve mentally assigned yourself as “your neck size” over the last twenty years, because shirt sizing and bow tie sizing do not always line up neatly even though they’re measuring the exact same part of you. I fell into this trap myself buying a self tie online recently, went by shirt size because it made sense in my head, and ended up with something that felt like my grandfather was strangling me gently by the end of an eleven AM wedding breakfast. Literally felt like my head was getting squeezed in my photos, guys, I checked.
This matters so much more than most people realise because the majority of bow ties, particularly self tie ones, come with an adjustable strap at the back with only a small amount of movement; typically something like fourteen inches all the way up to nineteen, and if your neck sits at, say, eighteen.5 inches then congratulations you have effectively zero room for error on getting the fit right that day. Collars shrink in the wash if you’re not careful, shirts will fit differently depending on how much starch is in them and how they’re cut, and if you’re wearing your shirt with a waistcoat all evening you want some wiggle room to breathe, not a death tie that’s been sized so specifically for you it’ll literally not fit anyone else. I’d rather by a tie that has too much adjustment range than not enough every single time, because a loose bow tie takes seconds to tighten up at a mirror while you’re wearing it, a tie that’s too tight either needs to be taken off and re-tied (potentially by the seamstress at your own wedding, not ideal) or, if knotted already, unwinded back into a fuckless bow.
This is especially important if you’re opting for a pre tied rather than bothering to learn how to tie one yourself for obvious reasons; it still matters just as much if not more because you have zero adjustment ability on the knot itself once it’s done, you’re purely relying on that strap in the back to do all the heavy lifting. I’ve spent £45 dollars sitting in a drawer for two years because I bought it off a guess not an actual measurement, it’s either too tight to leave the house with for more than thirty minutes or something has swollen my neck since 2020 and I didn’t realise Edinburgh food was somehow giving me Game Of Thrones dragon neck.
The size of the bow itself and how high it sits against your collar
This half is what everyone ignores, and it’s possibly more important than getting your actual neck size right because it’s the difference between your tie looking like it’s been put on with care, and looking like it’s mocking you. The actual width and length of the bow itself once tied dictates what your collar and face look like, and honestly it sounds like more faff than it is until you see someone who obviously bought the first bow tie they picked off a shelf and can’t unsee it. Wide spread collars with tiny little bow ties look childish, your tie wants to fill the space your collar creates but not toppling over the edges.
Narrow point collars with boxy chunky bow ties just look silly.
Bulky where it doesn’t need to be.
I learned this rule after watching someone make this exact mistake; a work mate of mine who is a big, beefy rugby player borrowed a skinny little number of mine to wear for work do because he’d left his at home, and holy shit did it look small on him. It genuinely looked like something his mum bought him by mistake to wear to a christening, sat about half an inch above his collar threatened by all his neck instead of proudly sitting on top of it. We haven’t spoken about it since.
The thing to remember is that the bow tie, once tied and sitting at its widest point, should roughly match the widest point of your face. Sounds insanely specific I know but you’ll understand when you look at a photo of yourself rocking one that suits vs one that doesn’t. If you’re tying your own, this also comes down to getting the length right of the tie before you even start knotting; too much fabric on either side through the loop and your finished bow tie looks wide and drunk. Too little and it’ll look pinched up at the sides, trying to cover your collar rather than proudly sitting on top of it. I’ve ruined two perfectly good ties in one night experimenting trying to get this adjustment right; one side ends up bigger than the other if you don’t feed equal amounts through the loop and,trust me, starting again with your collar un-done is no fun at 3 AM.
The only two things that matter are these two; getting your actual measurement right and understanding that your shirt collar size is not always the same as your bow tie size, and understanding the size of the bow itself both compared to your face but also how high you can realistically get it to sit up against your collar. If you do those two things you’ll never need to worry about wearing the wrong size bow tie ever again, and won’t be that guy chastising strangers at wedding bars.
